Tilly's Tattler -CAPT. NELSON- CRANE DEAD IN GRUESOME ATTACK!

FRUITLESS SEARCH FOR BODY

Captain the Honorable Lee Nelson-Crane, former president of the United States and captain of the submarine Seaview has been declared ‘Missing and Presumed Dead’ by the U.S. government although Admiral Harriman Nelson, the captain’s adopted father and business partner, has requested that be changed to ‘missing’ alone.
Eyewitnesses claim that as the famous hero was trying to fix what has later been found to be a leak in the hover-pillow of his MTV, a giant kelpie rose out of the shores of Loch Ness, grabbed and broke his neck, taking him with it into the depths.
Several videos taken by onlookers seem to prove the eyewitnesses statements. The videos are not yet available to the public.
Continued searches by the Seaview’s Flying Sub and squads of divers, augmented by the UK’s military and police search and rescue teams, have so far been fruitless in finding both the kelpie, it’s lair, or the body of the captain, what might remain of it.
Needless to say the entire complement of the Seaview and NCIMR are distraught as much of the U.S. and her allies are.
It's been rumored that Mrs. Crane has had to be sedated, and will remain aboard Seaview ‘until all hope is lost’
Admiral Nelson has declined any comment

HM the Queen sends condolences.

From her estate at Balmoral, HM the Queen has sent condolences on behalf of herself, personally, and in her official capacity as head of state, to Admiral Nelson, Mrs. Crane, and the president of the United States, for the loss of the 'incomparable' Captain Nelson-Crane.

It has also been announced that she and members of her family may be extending her condolences in person to the admiral and Mrs. Crane, though no plans have been finalized for the royal visit.

Nelson pleads for president not to eulogize his son.

Admiral Nelson has requested the president not to address the nation regarding the ‘alleged’ death of Captain Nelson-Crane as he put it, despite the almost 100% irrefutable proof otherwise.

“It only remains for his body, or what’s left of it, to come ashore,” the Lord Mayor of Inverness is reported to have said. “When that happens, at least Nelson will have some closure. Until then, he, like any doting father would be, is in total denial of Nelson-Crane’s death.”

WESTMINSTER ABBY TO RING MOURNING BELLS AND HOLD A MEMORIAL, DATE AND TIMES TO BE ANNOUNCED.

Heritage Society confirms Viking amulet shows kelpies devouring victims.

It's only an engraving on one of the recovered bracelets adorning the recently discovered Viking skeleton, but adds to the legend of the kelpie. Some old tales speak of ravishing victims, to release them later, enslaved to their calls or to be transformed themselves. This engraving shows kelpies breaking the necks of their victims and devouring them.