My Journal

By Harriman Nelson

20.  Nightmare

The sound of footsteps running down the companionway intruded on my slumbers. At first I thought they were giant rats scampering past, (hey I was in a drug induced sleep). Then I heard the yelling. Lee’s yelling. Wails actually.

By the time I’d managed to grab my robe and navigate the corridors to his cabin, the doorway was crowded with officers whose sleep was also roused. They parted to let me squeeze in but I was waylaid by the corpsman who emerged and closed the door part way behind him.

“He’s okay, sir. A nightmare, that’s all…I hope.”

“You hope? What kind of a diagnosis is that?”

“Well, after all that’s been going on lately, he might be right about a ghost.”

I think I must have passed out for the next thing I knew I was sprawled on the deck with him hovering over me.

“Lee…”I groaned.

“Mr. Morton’s with him. I’d suggest you let him handle it.”

“But...”

“Please sir. It’s the first time they’ve really been on speaking terms for awhile. Even used the skipper’s first name. I’m sure the XO will call for you if he feels it’s for the best….”

“All right,” I agreed and allowed him to help me up. Edith, Miss Bates, and even Mrs. Crane were in the crowd.  “You heard the corpsman. It was just a dream. Everyone back to bed or duty as the case may be.”

“But if he’s had a ghostly visitation…” Miss Bates began.

“We’ll let the XO handle it, won’t we. Now, off with you. All of you,” I stressed toward Mrs. Crane, who hadn’t budged as the others had.

“I’m surprised you aren’t in there holding his hand,” she said.

“Mrs. Crane, will you please stay out of things that don’t concern you?”

“He’s the captain. Of course it concerns me. And if he’s had a visit from Edward… in any case, you can’t expect me to believe that you’re not ready to fly to his side and find out exactly what happened.”

“Of course I am,” I hissed.

“Then, what’s stopping you?” she peeked through the crack between the door and doorframe.

I didn’t like admitting that she was right. With the advantage of a few inches, I managed to peek over her into the cabin.

“I didn’t wake the entire boat did I, Chip, I mean Commander?” Lee was asking  his pajama clad XO, who was sitting on the edge of his bunk.
“Pretty much. And I told you, forget the formalities for now.”

 “Some sleeping pill Frank gave me.”

“But you did sleep. So, want to talk about it? Ghost or dream, it might help. Riley said he heard you screaming ‘No, Pop, no!”

“What was Riley doing in Officer’s Country?”

“Mop and bucket duty. He’s the one who first heard you and called me and Sick Bay. Doc was treating a broken arm. So, out with it…what got you all hot and bothered? You were wailing and whining, and crying and yelling….was it your father?”

“He…Pop, Edward Crane was scowling at me. Pointing his finger at me…I’ve never seen him so angry. That’s all I saw before you and Frank shook me awake. Chip, what if Mom’s right? What if Pop really is  mad at me for taking Harry’s name? I never thought he would be, but now…oh gawd, Chip. Why can’t I love them both? Why can’t I love them both?” he gulped. “I can’t choose between them. I can’t…”he whimpered as some tears began to run down his face.

“It might only have been a dream, Lee.”

“No. It was so… real,” Lee shuddered. “And the air was so cold. His eyes were cold. Menacing. I never saw him like that before. He wasn’t dressed in anything I remember seeing either, a plaid flannel shirt, but it was him…it was him…oh God, Chip, he hates me! He hates me!”

It barely registered on my mind that Mrs. Crane had gasped when Lee mentioned his shirt, but I couldn’t draw my attention away from the scene playing before my eyes to investigate what was so important about the plaid shirt.

“Lee, listen to me,” Chip was saying, and handed Lee a tissue, “and here, blow your nose. From everything you’ve ever told me about Edward Crane, I think he’d be glad that you found someone to love and to be loved by as much as him.”

“But he was so angry Chip…so angry.”

“Did he touch you at all?”

“No, you and Frank barged in here before that happened. And he vanished.”

“All right. Dream, or visitation, it’s all over. And maybe it was just a side effect from the sleeping pill Doc gave you. I think, no, I ‘know’ that Edward Crane could never be angry enough to disown you, or make your life miserable like…”Chip stopped, hesitant.

“Go on. Say it, like Mom is making my life now?”

“Yeah, that’s what I meant. The sooner she’s off the boat, the better. I just wish we didn’t have to wait so long for repairs.”

“Me too…Chip? It’s as if she’s taken a dagger and thrust it right into my heart and twists in in ever deeper and deeper. Did you know that she wasn’t all that thrilled with Pop taking me in to begin with? She came to love me, at least she acted like it. But now, I’m beginning to  wonder if she ever really did. And I had such good memories of her and Pop, giving me a home, unconditional love, at least it felt like it….”

“Hold on to those memories, Lee. No matter how she feels now, even Edward, if he’s haunting you, you can treasure the memories of what it might have been. As for the present and the future, well, Harriman Nelson couldn’t have chosen a better foster son even if he’d fathered you himself. You go on loving him, Lee. And don’t you let anyone tell you not to. Now, you get some rest.”

“No, I don’t think I can sleep”

“Then just close your eyes…the crew doesn’t like seeing you looking like a raccoon with dark circles under your eyes when you don’t get any shut eye. I’ll be here…in fact, I can help finish up those reports on the desk. You’re not supposed to be doing them anyway, remember?”

“Yeah, I know. Chip? Am I’m out of the woodshed? I really did send you those calls and  emails…at least I think I did…but maybe I’m…wrong.”

“Forget it, at least for tonight. I think you need a friend right now. We’ll discuss the whole damn Boston business another time, okay?”

“Okay. Thanks,” Lee managed as he yawned and closed his eyes, “g’nite, Chipee.”

For a moment I held my breath. Could Lee have just ruined the inroads the two had just made?

“G’nite, Lee,” Morton said, turning on the desk lamp before heading to turn off the wall light switch, suddenly noticing that Mrs. Crane and I had been peeking through the doorway. Before we could vanish into thin air, which is, I am sure what we both wanted to do, Morton flipped the switch off. Winking at us as he did so, then gently closed the door in our faces, and presumably returned to his labors at Lee’s desk.

“You happy now, Mrs. Crane?” I growled, “you glad that your husband might actually be haunting Lee?” “He was crying…really crying,” she was muttering to herself, as I walked down the companionway.

It was as if she’d realized for the first time just how heartbroken Lee was.