My Journal

By Harriman Nelson

 23.  Limbo

“I’m sorry to hear that, Harriman,” Jiggs was saying on the videophone in my cabin. “Will you quit pacing around and sit down? You’re making me dizzy! And I thought you stopped smoking. Open your door or something. I can barely see you.”

“Wha…oh,” I said, doing so, then sat down in front of him. “Quitting isn’t important now…”

“But it is. How do you think Crane would feel about you putting yourself at risk again? Now, put the damn thing out and toss the pack in the trash. I’m surprised you had some aboard.”

“I don’t. Sparks loaned a pack.”

“After a little persuasion, I’m sure.”

“No…he knows, the whole crew knows, that they help calm me down. And by God I need calming down.”

“Well, they’re not helping, are they?”

“No,” I said, disgusted with the cigarette and with myself as I extinguished it  in the overflowing ash tray. “Did Chip tell you that I had words with Lee’s mother?”

“Yes…but don’t beat yourself over the head about it. I understand from Morton that she’s been rather…difficult. Let’s change the subject. The entire country’s rather excited about the wreck you found even if they only had a glimpse from the live feed you sent Bermuda. Everyone wants to know when you’ll resume excavations.”

“I’m not. I don’t care about the damn project anymore.”

“But…you’re so close to absolving the Nelson shame…if it’s the Nymph that is, and…”

“Don’t you understand, Jiggs? It’s not important! I  don’t give a damn about my family’s honor anymore! All I care about is Lee!”

“So do I,” a voice said softly from the doorway.

 “Mrs. Crane, I can’t apologize enough,” I said, rising.

“Thank you but it served me right…I heard what you said just now… all this name business…it’s really not important is it. Not when Lee could be… could be….”she barely managed.

“Will’s doing everything he can…please, sit down,” I pulled over a chair for her. “Er…this is Admiral Jiggs Starke, retired, the former Commander of Submarines Pacific.”

“Yes, Lee’s told me about you.”

“Good things, I hope,” Jiggs said.

“Well…” she hesitated.

“Never mind. I’m sure I’ll always be Captain Bligh in his eyes though he has his ranks wrong,” Jiggs chuckled. “Well, I have to get back to work, Harriman. But do reconsider about the wreck. If I know Lee Crane….”

“Nelson-Crane,” Mrs. C. corrected.

“Ah yes, well, I’m sure  he’d want you to complete the mission. Take care old friend. Mrs. Crane, ” he added and clicked off.

“It is something he’d want you to do, Admiral,” she said.

“Yes, but it would seem so callus…with him lying there…comatose…Will drilled a hole in his head, did you know? No, I suppose they didn’t tell you. To relieve the pressure on his brain…didn’t find a blood clot though, that was a huge relief…but…”

“But he’s still unconscious…and might never be the same again, even if he does wake up, is that what you’re trying so hard not to say? Yes, I’ve heard the men talking about what Kowalski said. And he should know, helping them out in Sick Bay,” she said, then collapsed into tears.

I barely noticed her. I could only put my head in my hands and weep myself.

“Admiral? Harriman?” she took my hands after only God knows how long, “I was jealous that Lee may love you more than he ever did Edward but…”

“That’s no excuse for Edward Crane to haunt him! And Lee never said he loved me more than him.”

“Edward didn’t haunt Lee,” she sighed. “My husband hated plaid. Never had a plaid shirt in his life that I knew of. That ‘visitation’ Lee had was only a dream.”

“Why didn’t you tell Lee?” I asked, aghast. “Why let him agonize over it?”
“God help me, but I still hoped Lee would come around to my way of thinking. I know I was wrong now…what I’m trying to say,” she paused, “is that if Lee wants to be your son, have your name, then has my blessing. And I’ve already been in touch with my lawyers. I won’t be revoking Lee’s adoption by Edward and me either. I just hope he’ll wake up to find out. Oh, God, Admiral, my  poor baby…our poor baby!”