My Journal
By Harriman Nelson
80
The first thing Lee did when we got back to the hotel after dinner,
was to change into his ancient Academy sweats. Then, glaring at Joe, he headed
downstairs to the fitness center.
“It was only a little joke...” Joe said.
“And not in very good taste," I replied. "Really, Joseph. How would you feel,
everyone knowing you were naked underneath the kilt?”
“We’re all naked underneath
when you get right down to it.”
“I think you should apologize. Lee was so embarrassed, he didn’t
eat much, did he?”
“Okay, okay...” Joe said and headed out.
Just then my cell phone rang. It was Sharkey. He seemed upset.
“Hold on, let me connect my phone to Jackson’s laptop so we’ll
have a better connection," I said.
I still hate the blasted gadgets, but Lee and Joe had assured me
it was a better way to keep in touch with Seaview.
“Now, what’s wrong?” I said as the image appeared.
“Oh, Admiral... it was
horrible....”
“What’s wrong?” I demanded.
“It’s Mallie. She….she….oh gawd….”
“She’s fine,” Will interrupted, as he joined Sharkey, “so are the
kittens. Five of them. You feeling better now, Chief?”
“Er, yeah...yeah...I um, better get back...we gotta’ name em’ for
the record,” Sharkey said and departed.
“One look at the first birthing,” Will said, “ and down he went,
along with Chip, who’s embarrassed as hell right now...what?”
“Remind me to tell you about what real embarrassment is about later.”
“So, how was dinner?”
“Just wonderful, the food, anyway.”
“I sense a problem.”
I couldn’t help myself. I told Will everything.
“He’ll laugh about it later,” Will assured me.
“Perhaps…”I began but Chip appeared, pale.
“How are you feeling, Lad?” I asked as he sat down next to Will.
“How do they do it? Females. Everybody always says ‘how
beautiful’. Well, being born isn’t beautiful to me! It’s ugly, disgusting, and I need to send
my mother a dozen red roses every day for the rest of her life to thank her for
going through it with me.”
“It was just a cat having kittens,” Will said.
“It was awful,” Chip groaned.
“So, Chip,” I said, “how does it feel to be a grandfather?”
“Grandfather? Mallie’s Seaview’s cat. Oh hell, okay,
she’s my cat...the kittens are
ugly as hell. Their eyes are closed and they’re nothing but wet bedraggled fur.”
“That’ll change rapidly,” Will said. “Well, I’d better get back to
my patients...”
“Thank you for taking care of things, Doc,” Chip said, “all of
them.”
“No sweat,” Will patted him on the shoulder and returned to his
patients.
“So,” Chip said, regaining his composure somewhat, "how’s Lee?”
“Well, he had a really nice day today, for the most part. We went sailing,
and he made a music video at the wax
museum. I’ll ask him if he’d like to share it with you, but I wouldn’t advise
the crew watch it.”
“Admiral, they won’t care what he sounds like. They just want to
see him. Any luck with him returning to Seaview?”
“Yes, no, maybe,” I sighed. “By the way, the restaurant we were at
tonight had a photographer, you know, the kind that takes pictures of
celebrities for publication in magazines and newspapers. He was there for
another reason, some famous soccer player, but he saw us and, well, don’t be
surprised to see a picture or two of Lee in the tabloids. Only, you should be
prepared. We were...wearing kilts, the Irish tartan for Clare County. The place Lee and I will be going to look at for
some O'Hara Nelson graves, but it might have gotten out in the press that...”I
hesitated.
“That what?”
“Joe had said something to Lee and Lee took him seriously and
spent the rest of the evening embarrassed as hell.”
“Why should he be embarrassed about wearing a kilt again? Even the
Boston police do for Irish parades and stuff.”
“Yes, but they don’t take traditions all that seriously.”
“Huh?”
“Look it up online, okay?”
“Yeah, sure, but...”
Just then Lee and Joe came back, Lee sweating through his sweats,
Joe, still in his dress kilt, duly chastened.
“You get it out of your system now, Lee?” I asked.
“No, but Joe’s going to wash and wax my new car every time he
comes to visit in Santa Barbara....Oh, hi Chip. How’s my best girl?”
His best girl, I mused. C’mon Lee C’mon...mean it, son, mean it.
“You’ll be glad to know we’re out of dry dock,” Chip said, “and
are anxiously awaiting the return of the Admiral and having that barbeque
tomorrow. How are you Lee?”
“Bored.”
“On a European culinary tour? How the hell can you be bored? I’d
give my eye teeth to be in your place.”
“You and your tummy,” Lee said grinning affectionately.
“Oh, and Mallie had her
kittens. Four boys, one girl.”
“Congratulations. They all okay?”
“Yeah, but I fainted.”
“So did the chief,” I told Lee. “By the way, son, I told Chip that
you made a music video...”
“You didn’t.”
“It was your idea in the first place wasn’t it?”
“Okay, okay...”
“I can take yours back with me to Seaview if you agree. I’m sure
everyone will get a kick out of seeing mine,”
“Yours?” Chip asked.
“Yes, I sang with Frank Sinatra at my side.”
“And Lee?”
“Let’s just say,” Lee said, “that my own voice was altered so you
won’t have to cringe. I saw the look you gave me when I sang that code to Lola.
Do you mind, Joe? He’s in it too, Chip.”
“I mind real well,” Joe said, “sure, but I’ll just email it to
them.”
“Well, where are you and Joe off to tomorrow?” Chip asked.
“City of Armaugh will be our base,” Joe said, “the St. Patrick’s
Cathedral there, the Carrick Rope Bridge, for those of us brave enough to use
it, the Giant’s Causeway, then Belfast Castle and a few other places before the
tour calls it quits.”
“And then?”
“Not sure yet,” Lee said. “Well, be sure you log in the kittens as
passengers. We’ll be taking the train at 0700 tomorrow, so make sure the flying
sub is here for the Admiral by 0600.”
“He’ll miss breakfast, Lee,” Joe said, “the hotel has a nice
spread planned.”
“I have other plans for our breakfast.”
“You do?” I asked, confused.
“It’s a surprise.”
“I’m not sure I like your surprises, bro,” Joe said.
“I guarantee that you’ll like this one. Well, I need to shower
after that workout...should have used gloves,” he muttered, rubbing his hands.
“Well, if you hadn’t been so damned upset with me you would have
remembered to rent some from the front desk!”
“Upset?” Chip asked.
Before Lee could stop him, Joe leaned over the monitor, “I simply
told him that a ‘real’ Nelson would wear a kilt the traditional way, that’s
all.”
“I still don’t understand...the admiral mentioned something about
tradition but didn’t go into detail...”
“I wore the damn kilt without any underwear, okay?” Lee fumed and
walked away.
“Not my fault you listened to me,” Joe said, “besides, I told you
afterwards it was payback for making me sing with you. I mean, couldn’t you
have chosen somebody real, like Elvis? Not Alvin and the Chipmunks.”
“Alvin and the Chipmunks?” Chip said, his lips curling.
“Alvin and the Chipmunks,” Lee said firmly as he returned to the
monitor, “in full helium mode. Nobody could complain about my voice then.”
“I’ll um...look forward to seeing it,” Chip said, “oh, yours too,
Admiral,” he added in the attempt to keep from laughing. “I’ll have the flying
sub at Dublin Airport tomorrow at 0600, sir. And Lee, enjoy the rest of your
tour.”
“Thanks. My best to Maleficent. And the kitties.”
“Mallie. We call her Mallie now.”
“That’s not what’s on the roster, is it, Mister?”
“No, sir.”
“Chip I…Mallie, Malificent, I give up...none of my business
anyway.”
Damn.
“I’ll have the Admiral at the airport for you at 0600,” Lee said
and headed toward the bathroom.
“He’s pissed,” Chip said. “None of his business? That doesn’t
sound very good.”
“He wants Seaview, Chip. He admits he does. He just can’t bring
himself to believe you don’t.”
“Good God, how many times do I have to tell him!”
“Let’s not make a fuss. That’ll only irritate him more...”
“Okay, but when I come down there on the flying sub don’t be
surprised if I put my hands around his neck!”
“Very well, Chip, well, good night.”
“Good night, sir.”
And with that I let Joe send their videos via email to Seaview.
The boys have gone to bed and I’ve already packed most of my gear,
not that I had much in the first place. I left the box of candy for Lee to give
to Mrs. P. for me and all I need to do now is sleep. No doubt my mind will be
bombarded with today’s events.
